The Wrestling Society Xperience - WSX Episode Seven (3/14/07)
So... what's new, Grimey?
Wrestling Society X - Episode Seven
We pick it up at the end of pop-punk act Quietdrive’s set, where Ricky Banderas is beating the crap out of Youth Suicide on the stage. The announcers say that Youth was doing a WSXtra match with Scorpio Sky when Banderas assaulted him. Ricky then powerbombs a poor “roadie” through a table.
Banderas spits up blood again, which he might really want to get looked at. It could be bronchitis. The future Mil Muertes then spies Vampiro peering down on him from a balcony. They taunt each other as we’ll FINALLY get a WSX Championship match next week between the two.
OK, Banderas rampaging was the kind of entertaining mayhem I expect from this show.
A couple of Quietdrivers, who seem to have moved on from one of their roadies getting destroyed by a large, hideously-scarred dude who coughs up blood, join Bret and Kris on commentary. Fabian Kaelin is now wearing a red bowler hat and more elaborate eye makeup. He’s definitely feeling his Alex DeLarge fantasy here.
The Cartel (Delikado & Lil’ Cholo) vs. Arik Cannon & A Mysterious Mystery Partner of Mystery
This is fallout from The Cartel dunking Cannon’s head into Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel wet cement and plopping a dead fish onto his person. Cannon brings out VICIOUS VIC GRIMES as his tag partner.
Vicious Vic is famous for a few things:
A remarkably brief stint as Key in the WWF in 1999.
Crushing New Jack’s head in a stunt gone wrong at ECW Living Dangerously 2000, resulting in a skull fracture, brain damage, and blindness in Jack’s right eye.
New Jack getting payback by tossing him off a massive scaffold in XPW.
I’m sure he’s glad that Jack didn’t make it past the pilot.
Grimes squashes Delikado with his girth as the camera shakes for effect, but he misses a twisting senton (!), allowing Delikado to hit a step-up enzuigiri. Cholo tags in and kicks Grimey out and somehow gets a slingshot hurricanrana to the floor on the 400+ pounder. The Cartel beat Vic down and roll him into the ring like a beached whale. I’m not trying to be mean; that’s honestly what it looked like.
Grimes catches Cholo and hits a Victimizer (kind of like an Iconoclasm), but Delikado breaks up the cover. Cannon checks in but immediately gets backdrop-driver’d by Cholo. However, a masked female (a yet-to-be-named Nic Grimes) comes in and assaults Cholo with a backdrop driver of her own, then hurls him out of the ring.
Grimes (Vic, not the singer) re-enters and goes for a powerbomb, but the rest of The Cartel attack him. A blockbuster and a flying knee from Delikado fell Grimes, and the three non-Cholo Cartel guys all dogpile him for the pin.
The Take: This was a complete clusterfuck, and not in the good sense. Grimes showed a bit of agility, but he was never really a good chonky guy wrestler. Cannon was completely geeked out here, and the best part of the match was Nic Grimes’ run-in. Also, they’re not exactly super-consistent with this “anything goes” stuff so far. The match with Cannon and Delikado was thrown out a couple weeks ago after the interference, but nearly the entire Cartel is allowed to pin one guy? One of the least impressive matches I’ve seen in this series thus far.
The Vibes: Not many to be found.
The Cartel gift Grimes with a dead fish, which Vicious Vic promptly chows down on.
Nic Grimes is Sara Del Rey (no relation to Lana) under a mask. She was a FANTASTIC women’s wrestler on the US indie scene; probably one of the best women’s wrestlers to ever come out of the States. She’s currently an Assistant Head Coach at the WWE Performance Center, having been a trainer with The Fed since 2012.
Backstage, Matt Sydal catches Lizzy Valentine reading a “fan” letter. They talk about winning matches so they can get more magazine covers. Sydal promises to show Human Tornado what a real bitchslap looks like, then they kiss as Lizzy pockets the letter. Methinks that particular missive did not come from a fan. Matt and Lizzy are pretty bad actors, but the goofy soft pink border is pretty funny, and at least they’re doing something with the characters.
Matt Sydal vs. Human Tornado
If WSX lasted more than a solitary season, the promotion would absolutely have been built with these two as part of the foundation.
Tornado makes some gestures towards Lizzy, but she tells him to TALK TO THE HAND! She grabs his hair while he walks away, allowing Sydal the initial advantage. Tornado comes back with a dropkick and a POOOUUUUUNNNCCEE…period! Tornado goes for a tope con hilo, but overshoots it and takes out several plants in the front row!
Sydal spits on his hand and rubs it into Tornado’s face! That’s just unsanitary. Sydal hits some dropkicks for a near-fall, then catches a charging Tornado with a spinning heel kick for another two-count. Sydal manages his corner clothesline, but Tornado hits a dropkick to block a springboard. We then get the Kid ‘n Play corner stomps and a splits kick to the nards. Sydal escapes a back suplex and hits a standing moonsault for another near-fall.
Tornado comes back with a spinning kick, but Lizzy comes in for a low blow. However, she forgot about Tornado’s BALLS OF STEEL. She flails away at Tornado, so he chokes her (ergh). The fan letter falls out of her pocket as Sydal catches a distracted Tornado with the Here It Is Driver…but he discovers the letter! Oh, boy! Sydal confronts her with this, allowing Tornado to attempt a German suplex. Sydal mulekicks him in the testicles, also negated by their aforementioned metallic nature. Pimp Slap and Dat Ninja Dead gets the pin for the Tornado!
The Take: Highly entertaining match here, with the character work actually blending in well with the athletic highspots. Tornado continues to be extremely fun in this setting and could have really broken out. If I had to pick an in-ring MVP for WSX so far, it’d be Sydal. The promotion isn’t exactly an ideal breeding ground for high-level wrestling matches, but Sydal’s work has been consistently top-notch. Hell, he’s been that way his entire career.
The Vibes: Near-immaculate.
Meanwhile, Team Dragon Gate’s reprogramming continues, as Horiguchi and Yoshino are being forced to watch weird stuff on a TV with their eyes taped open. Christ, how many times did the writers watch “A Clockwork Orange”?
Backstage, the soft pink border returns as a towel-clad Matt Sydal argues with Lizzy Valentine about the letter. Lizzy chides him for losing again and makes it clear she does NOT DATE LOSERS. Sydal grabs the letter, but Lizzy tears it up and declares that she only cares for Matt. She goes in for a smooch, but Sydal just walks outta there.
As Sydal walks down the hallway, 6-Pac swoops in and chats up Valentine.
Los Pochos Guapos vs. The Filth & The Fury
As established last week, Los Pochos Guapos have to disband if they drop this match. Kris Kloss insists that Los Pochos are going for their first win, but he is again incredibly wrong as they defeated the Trailer Park Boyz on an episode of WSXtra. I know it would be their first TV win, but it’s not like they don’t acknowledge WSXtra or anything.
Aaron Aguilera and Teddy Hart have a bit of a sporting go of it to kick things off, with Aguilera using his size and Hart using his agility to their respective advantages. Aguilera hits a big lariat on Hart and does the big boot corner choke, but Hart somehow gets a rolling leg takeover to escape. He attempts a leglock, but Aaron boots him out of the ring. Kaos and Matt Cross square off, with M-Dogg getting the best of of Munoz. Cross impressively evades Kaos’ attack and lands a springboard double-stomp for two.
Kaos catches Cross with a pop-up diamond cutter for two, then goes to tag Aguilera, but he’s of course distracted by a young lady in the front row. Cross dropkicks Kaos out of the ring, and the latter accosts Aguilera. While Los Pochos have it out, Cross hits a Sasuke Special into a twisting plancha onto Kaos (as Aguilera walks away to further hit on the plant at ringside)! Hart ascends and hits a big plancha onto a distracted Aguilera, nearly breaking his legs on the guardrail in the process. Aguilera suplexes Hart onto the concrete wall!
Hart escapes more punishment and hits a GIANT moonsault off the balcony onto Aguilera and a bunch of security guys! Hart bounces off of them and hits the floor with his head! Good lord.
Cross misses a shooting star press, then Kaos grabs a disco ball they stole from That 70’s Team. He tosses it at Cross, then boots it into his chest! Kaos covers and wins! Los Pochos Guapos get their first TV win and get to stay together. Hart’s big-ass moonsault captures the Quiznos SLAMWICH OF THE NIGHT!
The Take: I really wish they did something a bit different with the Los Pochos Guapos dynamic, because it just ended up being the same story even with the stakes. That aside, this was another tremendous car wreck of a match with nutty spots and great athleticism from Hart and Cross. The last two matches definitely made up for a rather foul opener.
The Vibes: Rather strong.
NEXT TIME: WSXtra Episode Seven, with Luke Hawx & Alkatrazz vs. Keepin’ It Gangsta and the aforementioned Youth Suicide vs. Scorpio Sky bout!
Also, if you want to read how I rank songs on albums (mainly by Iron Maiden), feel free to check out “Ryan Ranks” on CGCM Rock Radio’s website!