Ryan's Dive into '95 - Part Four (1/22-1/28)
It's a BIG ONE! Rumble, Clash, SUPER SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, AJPW, and MORE!
If you haven’t read it already, please check out my introductory article that explains what this series is all about. As a reminder, footage is sourced from the Goodhelmet 1995 Yearbook, unless otherwise stated.
How ya now?
The last couple of weeks have been relatively light in the matches department, but this sure as shit isn't the case this week as there are NINE full matches and clips of several others to review. We have a HUGE week ahead of us in the world of graps. The WWF, WCW, and Smoky Mountain all have big shows this week, All Japan turns in another epic, we'll have a couple of title changes, and we’ll some absolutely legendary crap.
Well, PITTER PATTER.
JANUARY 22nd
WWF Royal Rumble - We have made it to the Rumble! This show is famous (infamous?) for some reasons that I'll get into during this review, but this show has a lot of nostalgia for me. When I was growing, this was one of the few wrestling tapes I had, having found it in the VHS bin at my corner store. It's always been one of my comfort food shows, and even putting that aside, it's still a very solid show all things considered. This is the last Rumble show to use the classic logo, and the last Rumble match that did not have each participant come out to their entrance music.
WWF Intercontinental Championship: Razor Ramon (c) vs. Jeff Jarrett - Good to see ya, Razor. Back in the day, Razor was my guy. Seriously, he was just so damn cool. Great look, charismatic, good worker, and killer finisher.
Jeff was, for many years, NOT my guy, but I've come to appreciate the carny motherfucker later in life.
Match starts off hot with Razor slapping Jarrett around and hitting him with the Sack of Shit fallaway slam and a chokeslam. Double Jeff outwrestles Razor, then smacks up the back of his head a bit. Razor is NOT HAPPY about that. He clotheslines Jarrett out of the ring. JEFF JARRETT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ROYAL RUMBLE!
Razor regains the advantage and returns the headslaps from earlier, but Jeff nails a few of those sweet dropkicks he does. Jarrett wears down Razor for a bit, but they end up trading several near-falls until Jarrett hits a dropkick to keep the upper hand. Jarrett tries multiple pin attempts with his feet on the ropes. I love when a heel takes any opportunity to cheat. That’s a classic heel tactic for a reason, people! The Bad Guy comes back by introducing Slapnuts to Postnuts.
Jarrett tosses Razor, who buggers up his knee. The Roadie then clips the leg, resulting in Razor getting counted out. Jarrett wins the match, but not the belt…
Ol’ Slappy successfully goads Razor into coming back in to continue the match. We are BACK ON, with Razor heavily limping around. Ramon desperately tries to end it with flash pins, but Jarrett responds by working the injured leg. BREE WOO BREE WOO HE HIT ‘EM WITH THE FIGURE FOUR.
Razor attempts a comeback with his top-rope back suplex, but Jarrett counters it for a close OHHEGOTHIM NOHEDIDN'T! Razor goes for the Razor's Edge, but the knee gives out, allowing Double J to score an inside cradle for the three and the title!
*** - This is a combined grade for both segments. This was a rock solid opener with some smart work by both guys and GREAT selling from Razor. There was some stalling and slow periods here and there, but otherwise a pretty good way to kick off the show and this review.
We cut to Stephanie Wiand (Holy shit, remember HER?) waiting for Jeff, but he's not here. We move it over to Todd Pettingill (remember HIM?), who is with Pamela Anderson, who seems to be as excited to be there as I would be standing behind somebody with a stack of lottery tickets at the gas station checkout. She receives several gifts from WWF superstars, including Henry Godwinn giving her his hog.
WWF Championship: Diesel (c) vs. Bret “The Hitman” Hart - We're a couple of months into Diesel's infamous, low-drawing run as WWF Champion at this point, having beaten Bob Backlund for the belt at an MSG house shows on November 26th, 1994. Bret Hart lost the title to Backlund at Survivor Series three days prior, so he is looking to regain the title.
This starts off with Diesel asserting his size, power, and striking advantage while Bret Hart aggressively goes after the leg. A bad night for Outsider legs, I'd say. Bret locks in the figure four. Based and Jeff Jarrett-pilled.
Both guys are babyfaces, but Bret is working slightly more heelish here, taking his time breaking holds after Diesel grabs the ropes. Hitman suicide dive! Diesel gains the advantage by whipping Bret into the stairs, then runs through his Rolodex of moves to further wear down the Hitman's back and midsection. Bret comes back and ties Diesel's legs together around the ringpost, then stomps him! Hart attempts another dive, but Big D catches him and runs him into the ringpost, injuring the ribs. If you turn the volume up, you can hear him mutter “fucking Goldberg” while gasping for oxygen.
Diesel hits the Jackknife, but Shawn Michaels runs in and attacks Diesel's leg! However, THIS MATCH MUST CONTINUE! Bret quickly regains the advantage by resuming the attack on Diesel's leg. Back to the Figure Four! Diesel cuts that off by battering Bret's buggered breadbasket. Both men continue to aggressively attack each other's injuries. Bret is almost going full heel here by smashing the leg with a chair. Sharpshooter time…until Owen Hart runs in to attack Bret! He unties the turnbuckle and whips Bret sternum first into it!
The match should have ended…BUT THIS MATCH MUST CONTINUE! Diesel inches over to cover Bret…for two! Both guys continue slugging it out until Bret suckers Diesel in with a fake leg injury, getting an inside cradle for a close two! Ref is bumped, and we get Owen, Shawn, Bob Backlund, Jeff Jarrett, and The Roadie all jumping in for the double DQ! RUDE! Diesel clears the ring of the baddies (the heels, not Jade Cargill’s faction) and makes nice with Bret.
****1/4 - I’ve always liked this one a lot. I loved the story of Bret Hart having to wrestle smartly and aggressively to combat the power and size of Diesel, and both guys were great in consistently selling their injuries. Bret carried the match well here, but Diesel held up his end of the story. The interference and lack of a definitive ending hurts this one a fair bit, but it's absolutely worth checking out.
WWF Tag Team Championship: 1-2-3 Kid & Bob Holly vs. Bam Bam Bigelow & Tatanka - Interesting placement for this match, as you’d think the WWF title match would happen just before the Rumble, but whatever. As detailed in Part Three, this is tournament final for the vacant tag titles, and the Kid and Sparky are a makeshift Cinderella team against the heavy favorites in Bigelow and Tatanka. To be fair, though, Kid and Holly beat Well Dunn and the Heavenly Bodies to make it here, so it wasn't exactly a murderers’ row of juggernaut teams. Bigelow and Buffalo had beaten Men on a Mission and the Headshrinkers to punch their ticket to the finals.
Tatanka starts off getting the best of Bob, until Holly hits a few of his awesome dropkicks. Bam Bam comes in and asserts his dominance. Give Bammer a small dude to toss around, and I'm a happy man. Bigelow tosses Kid up, who catches him with a rana on the way down!
Bigelow nails an enzuigiri, then Tatanka takes control as Kid plays the face in peril for a brief period until he comes back and makes the tag to Holly. Holly gets a couple of near falls on Tatanka, but Bigelow low-bridges Holly, causing him to hit the floor. Now it's Holly's turn to eat some heat, and this goes on for a while. Holly takes an absolute drubbing from the Million Dollar Corporation. A great spot sees Holly make a tag…to Tatanka! That actually makes you feel sympathy…for BOB HOLLY of all people! Actually, in all honesty, I do like the miserable bastard.
Hot tag Kid, and I mean HOT, as Waltman flies around to keep Bam Bam and Tatanka at bay. The heels regain the advantage for a brief moment, but Tatanka accidentally knocks Bigelow off the top when he was going for his moonsault. Kid eventually crawls over to cover Bam Bam for the three! Vince proclaims that the Chargers may now have a chance at winning the Super Bowl (Narrator: “They did not.”).
***1/4 - This was another solid match tonight. Kid and Holly were great, sympathetic underdogs while the Million Dollar guys were decent bullies. Bammer especially stood out here. Kid was a great hot tag, and Holly was great as the FIP. The match could have been a tad shorter, but that’s a minor complaint. We now look forward to a long and prosperous reign for Kid and Holly.
Bigelow accosts legendary football man Lawrence Taylor, who is sitting at ringside having a laugh at Bam Bam for getting upended by the Kid. Words are exchanged, and Bigelow shoves LT on his ass, setting the wheels in motion for one hell of a weird WrestleMania main event. It's a shame they couldn't get along. I would have loved to see the team of BLT run wild on the WWF. No shit, that team would clear about 90% of the WWF tag division at the time.
We join the Royal Rumble match in progress after Adam Bomb enters at #30. This is the infamous Rumble with the one-minute intervals, which would be shitty most years, but it really worked out for the best this year. With a roster as wafer-thin as 1995 WWF, zipping through the entries was for the best. Seriously, do you want to wait two full minutes between Timothy Well and fucking Bushwhacker Luke hitting the ring? Nearly half the field was tag teams, then you pile on a bunch of jobbers and go-nowhere gimmicks (Aldo Montoya, Duke Droese, Mantaur, babyface Doink), so a shorter Rumble was a blessing in disguise.
I was tempted to do the whole thing as a bonus, but this review is already going to be unwieldy enough as it is, so we’ll just start where the compilation does.
We got Mr. Bomb, #1 entrant Shawn Michaels, #2 entry British Bulldog, Lex Luger, Crush, Dick Murdoch as the then-obligatory Old-Timer, Fatu, Henry O. Godwinn, and future ECW champion Aldo Montoya. Crush eliminates future Kroni>| partner Adam Bomb as Shawn yeets junior Kliq member Aldo. Fatu flies out courtesy of Crush. Dick airplane-spins HOG, but falls out while Godwinn holds on, and it's a FIVE WAY STANDOFF. Not often you see that with five people as they usually reserve that spot when it’s down to three or four.
Luger low-bridges HOG outta there, so we have Luger, Crush, Shawn, and Davey Boy. About a good a final four as you could get with the field that year. Luger goes upstairs (dumbass), and Shawn tosses him. Bulldog clotheslines Crush out, and we end off with #1 and #2 for the WrestleMania title shot. We get the famous finish where Bulldog clotheslines Shawn over the top, and IT'S OVER! THE BRITISH BULLDOG IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA...NOT! Shawn comes back in and eliminates Bulldog. Replays show that only one of Shawn's feet hit the floor, which is the first time they played up the “both feet” rule to that effect.
Shawn will face Diesel at Wrestlemania, and celebrates with Pamela Anderson to end the show. I'd put the full match around ***1/4. It's still a fun time overall, even with the dire lineup of participants.
Hey, we ended up getting most of the show here, with only most of the Rumble and the dreadful Undertaker vs. IRS ‘Death vs. Taxes’ showdown missing.
JANUARY 23rd
WWF Monday Night RAW - Hey, it's my 11th birthday! We hear Vince McMahon addressing the Bam Bam/Lawrence Taylor business from last night. Vince refers to Bam Bam as “Scott Bigelow” so you KNOW he's serious, then suspends him without pay.
WWF Tag Team Championship: 1-2-3 Kid & Bob Holly (c) vs. Smoking Gunns - Huzzah, our first appearance of Daddy Ass and Uncle Ass in the review project!
As discussed in Part Three, the Gunns were scheduled to be in the tag title tourney, but had to withdraw due to a “rodeo injury”. As such, they get their shot against the team that replaced them. Both teams observe the Code of Honor. A lot of quick exchanges start us off with neither team having a sustained advantage, not unusual for a babyface match. While the Gunns are a bigger team, they're much closer style-wise to the champs than Bigelow and Tatanka, so you get some faster sequences. The Gunns take over after Billy nails a bulldog on Holly, but that doesn't last long. The champs nail a double superplex on Billy for a close two. We take a break as RAW ROLLS ON.
We come back to Holly working over Billy, even getting a thrust kick! Black Belt Bob! Kid comes in and takes over with chops and kicks, then goes after Bart on the apron. Kid and Holly being the aggressors is weird to see after they fought from underneath last night. Kid gets a proto-Fameasser (“WHATAMANEUVER” according to Vince) on Billy! Ha! Billy returns fire with his own Fameasser. HOT TAG BARTHOLOMEW! The Gunns take over after some double teams, working over Kid. WWF RAW WILL CONTINUE…
And we’re back with the Kid in a chinlock. The Gunns nail a dropkick/vertical suplex combo but take too long to capitalize. HOT TAG HARDCORE! The all-time great dropkick gets two, but a flying nothing into Bart's foot halts any momentum. The Gunns then nail Holly with a powerbomb/elbow drop combination for the three and the belts! Big pop for the title change here. So much for that long and prosperous reign.
***1/4 - This was quite good, though the part with Kid and Holly working heel was a bit odd, especially since fighting from underneath is more in their wheelhouse. It did get better when the Gunns were working on top. It was fairly long for a TV match of this vintage (nearly 20 minutes with two ad breaks), but it didn’t drag all that much. The Gunns had a lot of neat double-team moves in their arsenal, and Kid and Holly knew when to pick up the pace.
The former champs challenge the Gunns to a rematch NEXT WEEK!
The WWF WEEK IN MUSIC introduces newcomer Man Mountain Rock, which is just a really awkward name. At least it was better than “Carlito Caribbean Cool”. Big Mountain Fudgecake is the former Maxx Payne of WCW fame. At least the dude really shreds, unlike that BIG FAT PHONY Van Hammer. Sadly, he doesn’t have his WWF logo guitar at this point. That thing fucking ruled. Squeadly guitar music takes us home.
JANUARY 24th
AJPW World Tag Team Championships: Super Generation Army (Mitsuharu Misawa & Kenta Kobashi) (c) vs. Holy Demon Army (Toshiaki Kawada & Akira Taue) -
Five days after Kobashi and Kawada put on an absolute 60 minute clinic, the other two Pillars join the fun. Kobashi and Misawa have the edge over the Holy Demon Army with two wins, one loss, and one time-limit draw.
Kobashi and Kawada start off, crowd very much behind Kenta. Both guys trade kicks and chops, with neither able to get far ahead of the other, until they tag out to their respective partners. Misawa gets the best of Taue with some fancy Tiger Mask-esque flippy shit. Cope and seethe, Braun! Misawa goes for a plancha, but Taue moves and boots him in the face. Lovely! Misawa counters another big boot with a flying elbow smash, then Kobashi comes in. BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT!
Taue takes Kobashi down and Kawada comes back in. Both teams continue to trade strikes and short-lived advantages for a little bit. Kawada fucking NAILS Kobashi with a spin kick, giving us an amazing glassy-eyed sell and collapse.
Misawa tags in and COOKS against Kawada, flying around the ring with kicks and hitting an elbow suicida! The Super Generation Army hit some double teams and dives onto the Holy Demon Army! Kobashi chops and stomps the shit out of Kawada, clearly having something to prove. Kobashi and Misawa work over Kawada for our first true heat segment, attacking the leg and snuffing out any attempted rebuttal. Misawa goes for a back elbow off the ropes, so Kawada kicks him in the back of the head in midair! NASTY!
Taue tags in and, much like the Blue World Order, takes over. Misawa is now absorbing the heat for a while, getting chopped, booted, and worn down by the opposition. HOT TAG KOBASHI, who hits an impressive vertical suplex on Taue. Akira becomes Designated Getting His Ass Kicked Guy #3. Taue keeps trying to shove Kobashi down, but he keeps getting up and chopping…until Taue drops Kobashi throat-first on the ropes. Kawada tags in and it's ON. Kawada and Kobashi beat the SHIT out of each other until the THROAT CHOP takes the wind out of Kobashi's sails (and lungs).
Now we get to the REAL heat, with Kobashi's bad leg being the focus of the Holy Demon attack. He takes an absolute shitkicking while the fans try to will him back into it. Misawa tries to intervene but eats a gamengiri for his efforts. Kobashi is cooked now that Misawa's been taken out, but he keeps hanging on! Misawa comes back in to save, and him and Kawada trade elbows and kicks respectively until Kawada absolutely decks Misawa with a forearm to the jaw. Kawada powerbombs Kobashi, then goes out and powerbombs Misawa on the floor! Whoa!
Kobashi keeps hanging in there, scurrying to the ropes after Taue hits the Nodowa Otoshi. No tag, though, as Misawa is still out of commission. SECOND ROPE NODOWA…but Kobashi rolls out of the ring. Taue rolls him back in for two. Kawada comes in and gets a rear choke on Kobashi, who makes the ropes…then Taue legdrops him over the ropes while the crowd shrieks! BACKDROP DRIVER! FOLDING POWERBOMB, BUT MISAWA MAKES THE SAVE! The crowd (and myself) became UNGLUED when that happens. Stretch Plum on Kobashi, but Misawa evades Taue and breaks it up! Misawa and Kawada go at it until Misawa drops him with an elbow.
MOLTEN HOT TAG MISAWA, who elbows the shit out of both guys. Misawa counters strikes with ROLLING ELBOWS! Kobashi misses a plancha on Kawada, but Misawa hits his! Crossface on Taue! That nets a CLOSE near-fall. Kobashi re-enters the fray, and it's CHOP CITY! Taue is overwhelmed by double-teams, but he hangs on! Kawada moonsault…MISSES! Tiger Driver from Misawa as we have FIVE MINUTES LEFT! MOONSAULT HITS…for two! Kobashi hits his OWN Nodowa! Kawada comes back in but gets caught in a rolling cradle for two!
Misawa back in…but he gets kicked in the guts mid-air. German gets two for Misawa. TWISTING DIVE gets two! Splash gets two for Misawa! Tiger Driver is blocked! The bell rings! WE HAVE A DRAW!
***** - Another week, another five star clinic from the Pillars. The selling and layered storytelling is incredible to witness (Kobashi’s selling in particular was amazing), it was hard-hitting, and there were some blistering near-falls in there. Kudos to Kawada and Kobashi in particular for working their second 60 minute Broadway within a week. The great thing is that, though these matches tend to reward those that know all the backstory and context, there's enough here for the novice viewer to sink their teeth into and still get value out of it. Absolutely excellent stuff here, and we'll see how this contest fares against the more famous match from June.
ECW Hardcore Television - We check in with The Public Enemy outside of the Daily Planet. They cut a promo on Superman, then we get some highlights of them doing their wrestlething. We also see them spraying graffiti and leaving a strip club after charging their night to Paul E. Dangerously's credit card (which shockingly goes through).
We cut to Raven saying things while on a swing. Broken homes and broken dreams are discussed. Another threat is lodged towards Tommy Dreamer, blaming him for his bad childhood.
We cut to ECW Champion Shane Douglas saying stuff into a microphone after a successful defense against Ron Simmons. As fans pelt the ring with garbage, he lays down an open challenge, which is answered by…TULLY BLANCHARD.
Slingshot suplex puts Shane down, but Dean Malenko and Chris Benoit come in for the save. Douglas applies the figure four as we are RUNNING OUTTA TIME!
JANUARY 25th
Clash of the Champions XXX - That’s certainly an appropriate number, as you're going to need some powerful moonshine to get through THIS one. We cut to Harlem Heat waiting in the ring for Stars and Stripes (we don’t see this match, by the way), but Ric Flair comes out to grab a seat in the crowd. He passes by Vader, who himself is sitting at ringside. The muzzle really completes the fit.
We take it back to Mean Gene, who is with the MONSTERMANIACS. Threats are lobbed towards Vader, Flair, The Butcher, and Kevin Sullivan. Hogan and Savage are PSYCHED TO THE MAX!
CALL THE HULK HOGAN HOTLINE!
We join Sting vs. Avalanche in progress, with The Guardian Angel (one of the failed repackagings of the late, great Ray Traylor) as special guest ref. Sting does his “headbutt the other guy in the junk” spot, then hits a quadrilogy of Stinger Splashes and a bodyslam! Scorpion deathlock, and Avalanche is giving it up, but Angel doesn't ring the bell! Nick Patrick comes in and ends the match in favor of Sting, and Angel is not happy! He goes after Nick Patrick and Sting, going full heel! Angel and Avalanche double-team Sting until Alex Wright and Stars and Stripes make the save.
Mean Gene catches up with the dastardly duo in the aisleway.Guardian Angel then lays down one of the all-time great soundbites in wrestling:
“That referee right there wasn't even s'posed to be in the riiiiiiiiiing!”
Legit bars, my friends. Guardian Angel is no more. Big Bubba Rogers is back, baby!
We jump to Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage vs. Kevin Sullivan & The Butcher currently in progress. Butcher downs Hogan with the sleeper, and both heels stop to celebrate like complete goddamned idiots. While this is happening, Savage goes upstairs and drops the elbow…ONTO HULK HOGAN…WHO HULKS UP?!?!?
Yes, my friends, this is the utterly infamous REVIVING ELBOW. This spot should get a wing named after it in the Dumbass Wrestling Spot Hall of Fame™, but it’s just so aggressively stupid that I can’t help but laugh my ass off. The heels soon regain the advantage and Savage takes a MONSTER bump over the top rope. Savage is worked over for a while in dull fashion. Randy's selling is awesome, but the heel offense is uninspired to say the least. HOT TAG HULKSTER! Elbow and legdrop on Butcher thankfully ends things.
After the match, Vader comes out and beats the tan off of Hogan to further that program, which is at least a step up from fucking Ed Leslie. Powerbomb on Hulk…WHO HULKS UP! Savage and Hogan run Vader out of the ring. God forbid Hogan show vulnerability against fucking VADER of all people.
The fact that we didn't see any full matches says all you need to about the thirtieth Clash. The Hogan stink has fully set into WCW at this point, and it’s only going to get WORSE. We did get some all-time legendary WrestleCrap, though, so at least you’ll get a cheap laugh or two out of this.
JANUARY 28th
USWA Championship Wrestling - It’s Saturday, which means that we’re walkin’ in Memphis. We’re walking with our feet ten feet off of Beale. Ahem. USWA Tag Champs Tommy Rich and Doug Gilbert are here to address PG-13 for their upcoming “Boys in the Hood” (USWA’s spelling, not mine) deathmatch. Rich declares that PG-13 ARE BOYS IN A MAN'S WORLD, but thankfully doesn't go full Kurt Angle and say that he's a man who likes to play with boys. Gilbert accuses PG-13 of being so stupid that they went to the welfare office and asked them how to cook foodstamps.
WCW Pro - We catch a rare glimpse of WCW's Saturday morning TBS offering, where we see music video for “Das Wunderkind” Alex Wright, set to his Euro-dancy theme music. They were very obviously going for a “teenage heartthrob” vibe here for the 19-year-old Wright.
Man, if being an awesome WCW midcarder was a sport, they’d retire Alex’s jersey. He was really good for someone that young. Plus, THE DANCE!
WCW Saturday Night - We board the Mothership for another Saturday Night of Dubya See Dubya fun. We first see a video of Vader beating the crap out of people and threatening Hulk Hogan. WHO'S THE MAN? Vader was the man, of course.
Next, we see another feature on Flyin’ Brian Pillman, mainly focused on his Baywatch appearance. He meets with a Baywatch executive while decked out in a summer Canadian tuxedo.
His character on the show is named “California Brian”. Way to earn that pay, writers!
WCW World Television Championship: Arn Anderson (c) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage - Hey, an actual full match on The Mothership! I have a hunch that this match will be better than the dogshit tag from the Clash.
Crowd is very much into the Macho Man. Macho gets an early advantage while Arn takes several opportunities to stall. Bobby and Tony harp on the 15 minute time limit, so you can pretty much guess how this one is going to end. Anderson takes over after ramming Savage into the ringpost. Arn works over Randy, while Savage gets in the odd flash pin and hope spot in between bouts of selling his ass off.
Savage comes back aggressively with dirty tactics as we take it to the floor again. We have FIVE MINUTES LEFT as Savage feverishly goes for pins while Arn The Glock desperately tries to run out the clock with chinlocks and choking. Col. Robert Parker also interferes while the ref is distracted. TWO MINUTES LEFT as Savage hits the axehandle to the outside. Crossbody gets two! ONE MINUTE LEFT!
Arn goes for the DDT…NOPE! Arn goes upstairs and is thrown off as the time limit expires…yet no bell has rung. Savage hits the FLYING ELBOW for the three?!?!? Savage wins the match but doesn't get the title because the match went past 15 minutes. Wut?
Post-match, the Studd Stable run out to attack Macho until Sting and Dusty Rhodes make the save
**1/2 - Yeah, wasn't 100% feeling that one. The work was solid, and the crowd was super into Macho Man, but that ending was some fuck and really took the experience down quite a bit. It also felt like not a lot happened in that 15 minutes and the time limit expiring was so telegraphed that they may as well just had commercials that said “Watch The Macho Man and The Enforcer go the distance at 6:05PM EST on The Superstation, TBS!” in between episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. Not really BAD or anything, but nothing to make you rip your shirt off, either.
SMW SUPER SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER - Forget the Rumble. Forget the Reviving Elbow. Forget the Pillars! THIS is why you’re here. It almost feels a bit cruel making you wait until the end for what you all came to see, but that’s the way she goes sometimes. This is also our first handheld/fan cam content of the year.
We saw a lot of build for Boo Bradley vs. Chris Candido and Heavenly Bodies vs. The Gangstas, but we don't get those matches here. For anyone that cares, Bradley defeated Candido, while the Bodies and Gangstas battled to a double disqualification.
Buddy Landel vs. Tracy Smothers - Smothers is decked out in Confederate flags out the wazoo, making him a super babyface to the SMW faithful. That shit wouldn't exactly fly nowadays. That aside, Tracy is a terrific babyface wrestler. “Nature Boy” Buddy Landel is one of those guys that really could have been a stalwart in wrestling had his demons not kept getting in the way. As usual with Smoky Mountain, Mark Curtis, an all-time great ref, is the third man. Sadly, all three men are no longer with us.
Landel does get some decent heat with his Wish.com Ric Flair act. Plenty of stalling and playing to the crowd starts us off. Smothers gets some early shine while Buddy stalls and goads Tracy. Tracy gets a quick two off a sunset flip as Landel complains about non-existent tights pulling. Smothers slaps Landel, who absolutely milks the sell.
Smothers keeps up the advantage after a chop battle. Landel complains of a phantom hair pull after an armdrag, then he ACTUALLY pulls Tracy’s hair to counter a headscissors. What a dick. We get a heated brawl on the outside before Landel hits the ringpost. Smothers misses a charge, allowing Landel to briefly take over.
Smothers comes back and IS FIRED UP, getting several near falls. Spinning toe hold, but Landel grabs the rope. Landel pulls out a foreign object, which Smothers dislodges. While the ref is distracted, Buddy grabs a chain (what is this, Memphis?) and decks Smothers for the win!
*** - I actually really enjoyed this one. This was a very old-school match that featured a lot of shtick from Landel, great babyface fire from Smothers, and some fun exchanges. A lot of what these guys did was more suited for the live crowd than people watching it on TV, but the crowd ate it up. Landel was actually very entertaining with his selling and heeling. The Southern style isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, especially if you compare it to the absolute art that was happening elsewhere in the world at the same time, but I do quite enjoy it at times.
SMW Heavyweight Championship: Dirty White Boy (c) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler - This will probably be like the prior match, but with the shtick cranked up to eleven. Lawler comes out and roasts the crowd for a while. A long while. Fans go APE for Dirty White Boy, the second-best 90's wrestler billed from Bucksnort, Tennessee (I firmly believe in Bunkhouse Buck supremacy).
Buddy Landel comes out to be the special guest timekeeper and assures us that everything is on the up-and-up. Surely this won't end up being a RUSE. Loud “BURGER KING” chants, which I get. Burger King is awesome. Landel says something about Dirty White Girl (I'm guessing; it's hard to make out some of what is being said on the house mic), drawing DWB's ire.
After one eternity, the match FINALLY starts with a lockup, DWB socking Lawler, and Lawler STALLING. Lather, rinse, repeat for a while. Lawler complains about non-existent hair pulls while Landel hilariously calls the time cues. Lawler clobbers the future TL Hopper with the PHANTOM FOREIGN OBJECT, and Lawler keeps hitting him with that for a while. Lawler grabs the belt and rams DWB's head into it while Landel distracts the ref. That gets two after some stalling.
Lawler rams DWB's head into the turnbuckle for a while, until Boy fights back. CHOKESLAM…but Landel rings the bell like an asshole, declaring a time-limit draw…or not! Mark Curtis restarts the match, making him the biggest heel in my eyes. Landel is no longer timekeeper! However, he runs in and piledrives DWB and places Lawler on top for the three! Lawler is the new champion!
*1/2 - While I liked the previous match, this one really fell flat. I’m just not into Dirty White Boy as a face, it took forever to get anything going, and the heat segment was super-dull. Lawler's heel tactics are classic, but it did not exactly make for compelling home viewing. Honestly, the best part of this was Buddy Landel being an obnoxious dickhead at ringside.
Speaking of which, Landel challenges DWB to a Lights Out match…right now!
Lights Out Match: Dirty White Boy vs. Buddy Landel - Two Dirty White Boy matches? Lucky us. Landel comes in and immediately stomps on the downed Boy, then grabs a mic. “YOU WANTED A FIGHT? WELL, YOU GOT ONE!”.
Landel works him over for a bit. Stomps and chokes galore until Dirty White Boy gets the pin with a crucifix roll-up. After the match, Landel leaves DWB laying.
DUD - The point of this match completely eludes me. I guess they wanted to throw the fans a bone by having ol’ Tony get a win to make up for losing the title, but it's not like he got to look triumphant or anything. He gets the duke, then immediately gets his ass kicked again. This was only a couple of minutes and was nothing more than Dirty White Boy laying like a bag of laundry until he scored a fluke pin out of nowhere. This was a much less fun Landel effort than his first match.
Well, we certainly limped to the barn at the end there, but, still, a fairly epic week was had. If you haven’t tapped out already, THANK YOU for hanging in there. Like, that was a LOT. I don’t think I should have to tell you that you NEED to watch that Pillars tag, but the full Rumble show isn’t a terrible way to kill a few hours. I was pleasantly surprised as to how much fun I had with some of the Buddy Landel stuff, but SUPER SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER didn't really seem all that…super.
NEXT TIME: We cool down a bit with far fewer matches, but we take a peek at our first big ECW show, Double Tables. We also hit our usual weekly TV stops. Maybe we’ll get some BONUS CONTENT? Stay tuned!
See you again soon!