Ryan's Dive into '95 - Part Eighteen (4/30 - 5/6)
Atsushi Onita retires FOR REAL, guys! Plus, Sid is awesome, a huge title change in NJPW, AAA singles action, TWO vignettes taking place in car dealerships, music videos, and more!
If you haven’t read it already, please check out my introductory article that explains what this series is all about. As a reminder, footage is sourced from the Goodhelmet 1995 Yearbook, unless otherwise stated.
How ya now?
We've got a varied slate this week. We see the end of a year-plus title reign, one of many Atsushi Onita retirement matches, the first WWF appearance of a certain future CEO, a AAA singles match, and assorted vignettes and music videos.
Well…
MAY 1st
WWF Monday Night RAW - We kick off the first of May (🎶 outdoor fucking starts today 🎶) with Nick Turturro of NYPD Blue interrogating Man Mountain Rock for the crime of either being a “punk rocker” impersonating a wrestler, or vice versa. I dunno, he strikes me as more heavy metal than punk. Maybe he dabbles in crossover thrash? That aside, Nick, you’re in NEW YORK. Go out there and solve ACTUAL CRIME!
MMR proves his innocence by busting out the gee-tar and laying down some meaty squeadlies.
Having proven that he's a musician, he proves he's a wrestler by hoisting Turturro into an fireman's carry as we fade to black.
We then cut to a rather posh-looking fellow sitting in a fancy room, dressed to the nines (including a spiffy red bowtie and cummerbund). He goes on to say:
“Ah, think of it. Civility!
Are you listening? I don't think so”.
That's it. That’s the whole thing. Yes, that was, I believe, the first appearance of Hunter Hearst-Helmsley on WWF television. That's quite the inauspicious debut for someone who would end up RUNNING THE GODDAMN COMPANY decades later.
This character was basically Trips reprising his Jean-Paul Levesque character from WCW, but trading the French accent for a vaguely British one. Fun fact: J.J. Dillon, working backstage for the WWF at the time, originally christened the character “Reginald DuPont Helmsley”, but Levesque pitched Hunter Hearst-Helmsley as a way to play off the initials. I'd say that was an improvement. I mean, could you imagine how different things would be if he went on to be “Reggie D.H.” or some shit during the Attitude Era?
Sid vs. Razor Ramon - Sid is of course on his way to challenge Diesel for the WWF Championship at the first In Your House show, while Razor is set to take on Jeff Jarrett and The Roadie in a handicap match on that same PPV, so I can't imagine a clean finish here. Sid runs through Razor's ring pyro and clotheslines him from behind! That’s pretty badass.
Sid then powerbombs Razor a couple of times until Diesel runs out for the save. The match never officially happens. I’d normally dislike this kind of bait-and-switch, but at least Sid’s beatdown was awesome.
We then see Bret “The Hitman” Hart come out for an interview with Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler. Lawler accuses Bret of signing for a match against Hakushi for In Your House in order to avoid signing for a match against him.
Hart claims that Jerry Lawler is a LIAR. YEAH, HE'S A LIAR! HE'LL TEAR YOUR MIND OUT! HE'LL BURN YOUR SOUL! Bret's already slated to wrestle “Hokushi” and pledges to beat him. He then calls Lawler's bluff and takes a match with HIM at the PPV as well, thus ensuring two Hit “The Bretman” Hart matches for the show.
MAY 2nd
ECW Hardcore TV - Joey Styles introduces a home-made music video courtesy of Raven. The recent goings-on in the Raven/Tommy Dreamer feud are shown while Nirvana's “Smells Like Teen Spirit” plays.
We then cut to a music video on Sandman and Woman. It starts in black and white with odd operatic music playing. Tommy Dreamer gets caned in the head as both music videos feature him getting his ass kicked.
Metallica's iconic “Enter Sandman” slowly fades in and then takes over as we get footage of Sandy beating the crap out of Cactus Jack. The video also transitions into full color as we get continues to get clips of Sandman and Woman doing Sandman and Woman things.
MAY 3rd
Wrestling Dontaku 1995 - We join Shinya Hashimoto (c) vs. Keiji Muto for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship in progress. Hash beats down on Mutoh, who is rocking a full beard here, which I don't remember seeing all that much. With the red trunks, he looks like a smaller “Dr. Death” Steve Williams.
Hashimoto nails a DDT, but Mutoh kicks out. Hash kicks Mutoh's head onto the 11th row, but Mutoh again survives the count. Mutoh counters a brainbuster with a DDT, then hits a nasty dragon suplex, and two moonsaults (the first one didn't really hit, but the second one did) to eke out the three and the title! Mutoh wins his second IWGP Heavyweight Championship, ending Hashimoto's 367-day reign. He cuts a promo afterwards, whipping the 52,000 strong in the Fukuoka Dome into a frenzy.
Also happening on this show, but not shown, is Sabu winning the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship from Koji Kanemoto. After the match, Sabu threw the belt down, feeling he didn’t need the junior belt because he wanted to be a heavyweight. What in the Shane Douglas is going on here?
AAA Sin Limite - The championship action doesn’t stop at the Dive, as we go back down to Mexico for our first actual full match of the week.
Mexican National Welterweight Title: Psicosis (c) vs. El Hijo del Santo - The fake smile in Psicosis' render is appropriately unhinged. It's like when Stephanie McMahon tries to smile. It just doesn't look human.
PRIMERA CAIDA: It’s fairly even to start, with Psicosis getting the best of the mat wrestling in an early exchange, and Santo coming out on top during the next one. Santo grabs a grounded headscissors after getting the best of a Greco Roman knucklelock, then wraps his ankles around Psicosis’ head and works THAT for a bit. Psicosis breaks out and goes for a powerbomb, but Santo ‘ranas out! Psicosis dodges a dropkick, but Santo headscissors him and monkey-flips him out of the ring. Santo follows up with a big tope suicida!
Back in, after some mad bumping, Psicosis blocks a victory roll, locks on a camel clutch, and secures a submission for the first fall!
SEGUNDA CAIDA: Santo hits a quasi-STO and, after a bit of grappling, grabs the ankle scissors and hoists Psicosis up into a unique submission.
Psicosis escapes, but misses a top rope forearm. Santo works the mat trying to lock on a submission, settling for a Rita Romero Special. However, they are too close to the ropes, so Santo just coldly dumps Psicosis to the floor. Back in, Santo hits a Fameasser-type move, but Psicosis comes back with a powerbomb! Santo catches Psicosis going upstairs and hits a second rope electric chair drop for two! Santo heads up, but misses an elbowdrop. Psicosis places Santo on the top and looks for his own electric chair drop, but Santo counters with a sunset flip powerbomb…for two!
Psicosis goes for a huge moonsault but hits knees! He does kick out of the resulting pin attempt, but gets dropkicked off the apron, resulting in a SICK back bump on the concrete. Santo follows with a hilo suicida!
Back in, Psicosis immediately dispatches Santo to the outside and follows with a tope suicida, bonking heads in the process! In the ring, Psicosis works over Santo, but gets tossed to the outside! Santo follows with a HUGE plancha from the top! This is getting nuts.
Moments later, Santo counters a back suplex and gets a front roll-up…but Psicosis reverses to a flash pin of his own for the three and the victory in two consecutive falls!
**** - I will say, I wasn't really digging this one at the beginning as the first fall started off a tad slow and disjointed, but they seriously ramped up the energy and insanity as the match went. I was having a great time by the end. Psicosis’ wanton disrespect for his own body is always something to marvel at, and El Hijo del Santo was a lot of fun here, hitting some crazy-ass dives. They also put Psicosis over fairly strong here. I can’t imagine winning two falls to nil over someone like Hijo del Santo is something that comes easy.
Post-match, El Hijo del Santo, ever the good sport, belts Psicosis up.
MAY 5th
FMW Atsushi Onita Memorial Retirement Tour Last Fight ~Final Chapter~ April Series, Night 20: 6th Anniversary Show - Jesus, that's a lot of words. Hey, our first non-Bridge of Dreams look at Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling!
FMW Brass Knuckles Heavyweight Title, No Rope Barbed Wire Current Mine Explosion Time Bomb Death Match: Atsushi Onita (c) vs. Hayabusa - Another giant pile of words there, but this should be a good time. I imagine Onita wants to show out for his SUPER DUPER FOR REAL RETIREMENT match, and Hayabusa rules in general. Onita picked Hayabusa as his “final” opponent to help cement him as the ace of the promotion after Onita leaves.
Technically, this would be Onita's second retirement as he had to bow out of wrestling in 1985 due to injuries, including a particularly nasty shattered kneecap sustained in a freak accident in 1983. He returned to the pro graps in 1988.
The Code of Honor is adhered to. Sure, they're about to lacerate, electrocute and explode each other, but it's nice to see some sportsmanship.
It's a tentative start with some teases of both guys going into the wire and rolling around on the mat. Crowd ‘ooh’s and ‘aah’s with these teases, though, so they're at least effective. Onita unleashes some chops, but Hayabusa lands a spinning back kick to rebut. We get more teases of guys getting blowed up. Onita hits a Saito suplex, but Hayabusa keeps hanging on to his headlock. Onita runs both of them into the wire for our first BOOM of the match!
We have under 10 minutes until the ring explodes. Onita takes over the offense with another Saito suplex and a couple of DDTs, then throws Hayabusa into the wire for another explosion! Onita continues working over Hayabusa, getting a legdrop, BROTHER, for two. Scorpion deathlock is applied, but Onita releases and transitions to a half-crab.
Hayabusa powers out, so Onita grabs a headlock…but ‘Busa runs Onita into the cage and YOU KNOW IT’S ALL ABOUT THA BOOM! THREE MINUTE WARNING! The sirens are blaring! Hayabusa gets a back suplex and a standing moonsault for two. Hayabusa works over the leg, applying a figure four. BREE WOO BREE WOO. They get into a slap fight while in the figure four, then Onita gets a folding powerbomb for two! Onita grabs another DDT for two. Hayabusa comes back with a spinkick and tries to charge at Onita…but hits the cage as the clock hits zero, passes it to the man, and boom goes the dynamite.
It was a BIG kaboom, too! The arena is filled with smoke as it looks like Onita was protecting the referee. Awww, that’s nice. Onita powerbombs an exploded Hayabusa…for two! Hayabusa counters another powerbomb with a ‘rana for two! Hayabusa gets his own powerbomb and scales the cage. Moonsault from the top of the cage…MISSES! Onita hits another powerbomb, but Hayabusa kicks out! Onita hits TWO more to secure the pin!
Hold up…MUSIC BREAK!
**** - Sure, it was a bit repetitive and slow in places (particularly in Onita’s first real control segment), but damn, this was a compelling match with a good story to go along with the crazy spots. I liked the early teases as they were effective in building anticipation and tension, and the way they worked didn’t make it seem like padding. Hayabusa was the young future star that wouldn't quit, while Onita was the outgoing ace who wanted to go out on top. I want to say that I was surprised that Onita put himself over when he was retiring, but I can’t. It’s fucking Onita. That man’s ego can be seen from space without a telescope. Quibbles aside, this was a BLAST to watch.
Post-match, Onita helps Hayabusa up and they stumble around the ring, Hayabusa's mask pretty much being torn off. Hayabusa collapses and gets stretchered out. Onita then cuts his usual passionate post-match promo.
So, yeah, Onita sold FMW to ring announcer Shoichi Arai and retired from the ring to play football for the Minnesota Vikings, but was cut during the preseason become an actor. This may come as a surprise, but Onita’s Thespian Era didn’t exactly pan out, so he ended up returning in 1996. At that point FMW became a very different promotion, having shifted from the deathmatches to a more entertainment-centric product, and he was asked to leave shortly after coming back. I won’t go into all the details of what became of the promotion because there’s a lot of shit to unpack, but, like with Collision in Korea, I would recommend checking out the Dark Side of The Ring episode on Onita and FMW.
MAY 6th
USWA Championship Wrestling - We’re walkin’ in Memphis this week with MY BOYS Lance Russell and Dave Brown. They tell us that we have a NEW Unified World Heavyweight Champion. We then kick it to some arena clips of Razor Ramon (c) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler for that belt. In a truly shocking development never before seen in Memphis, the referee gets bumped.
Lawler pounds on Razor until Brian Lee and Jimmy Harris run in. Lawler fights them off, but Razor dinks Lawler with a telephone, and the ref counts three to retain the title…but another ref comes out to snitch out The Bad Guy! The original ref restarts the match. Razor beats down The King until he spots SID in the aisle!
Lawler rolls up a distracted Razor for the three and the Unified World Heavyweight Championship! Sid causes considerable consternation for Ramon the second time this week!
We then join Dave Brown and “Too Sexy” Brian Christopher. Brian recalls his Kenny Omega-like belt collecting arc and brings up an upcoming round robin tournament. He pledges to win that, even if he has to best reluctant tag partner “Superstar” Bill Dundee along the way.
He then brings up a big tag team battle royal coming up for the USWA Tag Team Championship. Christopher promises to beat PG-13 and Brickhouse Brown & The Gambler for the belts…but Bill Dundee comes out! Bill doesn't like the idea of the tag match because he doesn't want to 1) team up with Too Sexy, and 2) hamper his son’s career. He wants to punch Christopher in the nose!
Christopher offers a compromise by offering to beat the crud out of Wolfie D, who comes out to retort (along with JC Ice).
They cut promos on Christopher, promising to beat “Sexy Boy” down and take the belts back.
Smoky Mountain Wrestling - Terry Funk starts us off…with a rifle!
He calls Bob Armstrong and himself old, balding geezers with buggy-whip arms. They also both have HEART, which leads to Funk singing (poorly)! Funk continues being insane, saying that if Armstrong loses the upcoming Texas Death Match, Funk will brand, hang, choke, and electrocute him! Unhinged Terry Funk is never not awesome. The classical music in the background was the cherry on top.
We then come back to Classy Motors, where “Nature Boy” Buddy Landel arrives via limousine to continue his quest to buy Bobby Blaze a worthy VEE-HICKLE.
He is joined by Wayne from Classy Motors who shows off a 1993 Lincoln. Buddy says that the only thing Blaze and Lincoln have in common is that they were born in log cabins! Ha! Wayne from Classy Motors then pitches a1987 Taurus station wagon as Bobby is a family guy, which prompts a joke from Landel regarding the paternity of Blaze’s children. Landel then spots the PERFECT car for Bobby Blaze:
Buddy: “Is that Rain-X on the windshield?”
Wayne from Classy Motors doesn't want to sell the car, then Landel uses the VEE-HICKLE as a metaphor for Bobby Blaze's career after he lost the title. Again, Landel was hilarious here. GIVE THAT MAN HIS FUCKING FLOWERS.
Next, we get a promo from PG-13, again with the USWA tag belts (they actually won them back on May 1st, this is actually ahead of the USWA TV). They heel on the inbred rednecks in Knoxville and threaten to beat Tracy Smothers and Dirty White Boy with hubcaps.
WCW Saturday Night - We end off another week aboard The Mothership as we see Diamond Dallas Page, The Diamond Doll, and Max Muscle in a car lot. Hey, our second vignette this week from an auto dealership! This may be a step up from Classy Motors, though.
We get a car shopping MONTAGE. The salesman shows off a Mercedes Benz, but DDP wants something sportier, so he buys the Benz for Max. DDP buys a convertible for Kimberly, then says he wants a “Ferrari Testosterone” for himself. Ha! DDP settles for a Lamborghini Diablo. Another fun segment from these guys.
Not a ton in terms of matches this week, but the two matches we did get were both worth watching in VERY different ways. We also had Sid being awesome, and some fun promo work from Buddy Landel, Terry Funk, and DDP.
NEXT TIME: We have the match that won the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Award for Best Match of the Year! Also, ECW’s Enter Sandman gives us more Guerrero vs. Malenko goodness and a big tag team match. Plus, promos and vignettes out the ass.
Smell ya later!