Ryan Navigates '90 - #53 (7/14)
Sorry, Eddie, I don't have your $5,000.
Good day!
We have another Saturday Special at the Navigation, but it’s not going to be as ridiculous as July 7th.
We’ll have plenty of chaos from Memphis, Hulk Hogan making the biggest announcement of his career, Stan Hansen locking horns with “Wildfire” Tommy Rich, and more!
SATURDAY, JULY 14th
WWF Superstars of Wrestling
As promised last week, we hear from Hulk Hogan for the first time since Earthquake sat down on him a lot on the Brother Love Show. First, the Hulkster thanks the fans for their cards, letters, and support. He loves you forever and a day, man!
Hulk flexes his master thespian skills as he solemnly talks about the long-term plans the BIG DUDE UPSTAIRS has for us. He created the heavens, the earth, the sun, the moon, and the stars, but then he dug a little deeper and created HULKAMANIA, then the Hulkster.
For reasons unknown to him, God put something inside of him to make him want to lead the Hulkamaniacs. When the Lord taught Hogan about the three demandments, Hulk knew what he was destined for.
Thinking of retirement was the hardest thing Hogan’s ever had to do. When Earthquake attacked him and crushed his ribs and sternum, Hogan clutched his cross. When he was being wheeled out in a “slow-rolling coffin”, his mind went a million miles an hour. Everything flashed before his eyes. He had 250,000-300,000 letters and cards sitting at the end of his hospital bed.
Getting him through this, though, was his friend, Tugboat. The Tugster made him smile and reminded him that the fans love him. Hogan recounts him and Tuggers saddling up on the Harleys and riding north from Venice Beach as the little Hulksters tell him that they’re happy to see him out and about. As the Harley Davidson BECAME PART OF HIM, he started thinking of Hulkamania being the strongest force in the universe.
Hulk was thinking of the future generations and that one of the newer Hulkamaniacs who had been doing the training, the prayers, and the vitamins should be the one to take him out, NOT Earthquake. Hogan then has a message for Quake, Jimmy Hart, and Dino Bravo: HELL NO. He’s not retiring! He’s a reborn Hulkamaniac! He is the purple mountain majesty and the amber waves of grain! Truth, justice, and the Hulk Hogan way!
Before the broadcast, Hulk Hogan signed on the dotted line, making him vs. Earthquake official for SummerSlam, BROTHER! He’s going to take all 500 pounds of Earthquake, pick him up, walk around the ring, then slam him, causing the earth to break open! Hogan hopes Dino Bravo shows up (that makes one of us) as Tugboat will be in his corner. Jimmy Hart: whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania, Tugboat, and THE BIG BROTHER run wild on you?!?!?
It’s not often a pre-taped promo can be called a spectacle, but this was absolutely incredible in multiple ways. Yes, the acting was corny, but the beginning was a very effective way to humanize the Hulkster. Unlike the Ultimate Warrior, Hogan can somewhat convincingly show vulnerability. The interview escalates in tone and volume throughout, culminating in an awesome fired-up babyface promo at the end to stoke excitement for the big PPV showdown. THIS is the stuff that sells pay-per-views and live event tickets.
Plus, Hulk basically saying that God put more work into creating Hulkamania than the entire universe, then essentially saying that he WAS America, is the kind of top-shelf Hogan egotism that makes these entertaining. Overall, this was very well laid-out and executed; one of Hogan’s finest promos.
This week on the Brother Love Show, he introduces the FORMER (and emphasis on “former”) WWF tag champions, the Hart Foundation.
Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart promises to change the “former” to “current” very soon. Love brings up Demolition being the most awesome force in the WWF, and Bret Hart questions Demolition’s new line-up as tag matches are two-on-two situations. Demolition is afraid! Their mascara is starting to run a bit!
Love says the Demos are afraid of NOBODY, then Anvil says they’ll take them out no matter the odds. On cue, Ax, Smash, and Crush make their way to the stage. Ax says the Harts have a built-in excuse for their loss even before the match takes place, while Crush tells them that their colors should no longer be pink and black, but YELLOW. Oh, got their asses.
I’ll say that Crush’s facepaint is a definite improvement over last week.
Smash confirms that Demolition is afraid of nobody and will take on anyone, anytime. The Foundation takes them up on that offer, challenging them to settle it in the ring. Bret and Anvil head toward the squared circle, allowing Demolition to clobber them from behind! The pummeling continues until a cadre of referees break it up. The Harts recover and return the beating as everyone brawls to the back.
A decent little segment to nicely build up a SummerSlam showdown between the teams, though the Hart Foundation looked ridiculously dumb for walking down to the ring ahead of Demolition, completely opening themselves up for a blindside attack.
USWA Championship Wrestling (Memphis)
We have a LOT of Memphis to check out today, and we start with “Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert coming to the commentary desk to see if “Superstar” Bill Dundee left Dave Brown the money he owed him. Dave says he doesn’t have the cash, and Gilbert shouldn’t expect it given the events of last week.
Hot Stuff then beckons a Gilbert superfan over to the desk. That fan (in actuality, future SMW and WCW referee Mark Curtis acting as a studio plant) stops by and tells Gilbert he’s his idol. Gilbert offers to take a picture with the “fan” while continuing to pester Dave about the $5,000.
However, it was a RUSE as Gilbert backhands the fan and demands to know if he has his money! Gilbert WANTS HIS FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS as he screams into the camera at Bill Dundee. Serenity then suddenly washes over Gilbert as he now ponders if Jerry “The King” Lawler has his five grand. The fans chant “GET BUCK”, which pisses off Hot Stuff.
Eddie Gilbert is BACK, and he’s says he’s not leaving until he gets his $5,000! Unhinged Eddie Gilbert is AWESOME, though I’m unclear as to what a professional wrestler from the ‘80s and ‘90 would need that kind of money for.
We now jump to the Dirty White Boys squashing the mighty duo of Ken Raper & Ben Jordan. Tony Anthony hit a pretty nice dropkick, which I wouldn’t have expected from him. He assists Tom Burton with a legdrop on Raper for the pin.
The DWBs continue beating the crud out of the jobbers until Jerry Lawler fights them off with his trusty baseball bat. He piledrives Burton, then him and Anthony have a bat vs. chair duel.
Lawler wins that battle and chases Anthony off. After a commercial break, Lawler comes back to the desk and plugs tomorrow’s charity softball triple header, where that very bat may come in handy. One of those games will be hair vs. hair!
Lawler will also be throwing out the first pitch in the Team USA vs. Nicaragua game on Tuesday, and there will be live, FREE wrestling in the parking lot at the Airport Toyota on July 28th. After the bevy of plugs, we throw it to Mid-South Coliseum clips of Jerry “The King” Lawler & “Superstar” Bill Dundee vs. Tony Anthony & “Hollywood” John Tatum.
Lawler gets the hot tag and lays the heels out with a flurry of fists! Dundee comes back in to join in the punching, but Dirty White Girl trips him up. Tessa emerges from the back and chases her into the ring for a catfight as Lawler and Dundee spike-piledrive Tatum. Considering this is Memphis, you may as well prepare a hearse for Hollywood.
The match is thrown out as Tom Burton runs in and helps Anthony beat down the faces. Tatum recovers as the three-on-two beatdown commences. Anthony busts Lawler open via Dirty White Girl’s high heel while Dundee gets beaten down with that old Memphis standby, a chain. Tessa then gets dumped into the ring, only to be quickly thrown down by Anthony.
The heels walk to the back, with battered and bloodied babyfaces left in their wake.
We return to the studio, where Lawler discusses what transpired. For this Monday, it’ll be Lawler and Dundee against the Dirty White Boys.
For this match, Tessa and Dirty White Girl will be handcuffed to their respective corners. Once the match is over, the winning team can uncuff their female counterpart, and she can have free reign to do whatever she wants to the other lady.
Lawler warns Dirty White Girl that Tessa plans to tear every stitch of clothing off her body as the fans cheer.
Dave then throws it to a pre-tape from Bill Dundee and Tessa. If Dirty White Girl acted more ladylike, she wouldn’t have to be handcuffed to the turnbuckle this week. When the King and the Superstar win, the REAL fireworks begin!
Tessa then takes the mic and talks about her recent attempted undressing from DWG. When Lawler and Dundee win, Tessa will slap her right in the jaw and tear off her clothes! Dundee warns the DWBs of the upcoming humiliation this coming Monday!
Tony Anthony and Dirty White Girl storm out for their rebuttal. Tony doesn’t like the stipulations, then complains about Lawler inserting himself in their business. He got hit in the belly with the bat, and Tom Burton’s with the paramedics right now. The camera spends a LOT of time on DWG as Anthony continues his ranting.
Anthony then throws it to a pre-tape from him and John Tatum that was filmed after the spike piledriver from Monday. Tony can’t believe Dundee and Lawler would stoop so low! Tatum, in considerable pain, rises up from his back to cut a promo on the babyfaces.
The ever-courageous Tatum talks about his 86-year old mother. She needs to eat, too! He thinks his neck is broken! Tatum claims the doctors told him he’d be out for six months, but that doesn’t matter because his mama won’t be able to eat! Hollywood warns Lawler and Dundee to watch their backs, because Tatum is GONNA GETCHA!
Back to the studio, Dave Brown asks Anthony about his partners going down with injuries. Tony questions the legality of the piledriver, which is largely banned in Memphis, but Eddie Gilbert comes back out and offers to be Anthony’s partner.
He tells the cameraman to zoom in as he unloads about getting meaner and nastier over the last couple of months. For two years, he had to be MISTER NICE GUY, but that is NO MORE!
Gilbert says he can get down and dirty to the level of Lawler and Dundee, then says that the King and the Superstar will have to contend with the Dirty White Boy and Hot Stuff. Dirty White Girl then cuts a promo on Tessa, threatening to rip out her blonde hair and tear off her clothes this coming Monday.
Gilbert tells Anthony that he’ll do this at NO CHARGE as the battery of interviews and promos concludes. This was a LOT, but it accomplished getting Gilbert in an actual match against Dundee and Lawler. Plus, the promos themselves for the most part were really well-done, especially Tatum’s overwrought reaction to getting spike-piledriven.
Next, we get some arena clips of The Snowman (c) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler for the USWA Unified World Heavyweight Championship. Yeah, this feud’s still a thing. Lawler slugs Downtown Bruno off the apron, but Snowman uses that distraction to roll Lawler up for the three to retain.
Lawler punches Snowman out after the bell, then the Wild Things charge the ring for a beatdown on the King. Bill Dundee comes down for the rescue, then the Dirty White Boys come down to assist the heels.
However, Snowman punches out Jeff Gaylord and helps Lawler and Dundee clear the ring! The fans popped huge for that one.
Back in the studio, Dave interviews the Snowman, but Jeff Gaylord and Downtown Bruno come out to interrupt. Gaylord calls Snowman out for his “pot belly”, then claims that he is no athlete. Jeff says that the only way he’d look prettier is if he had that belt around his 32-inch waist.
Gaylord then demonstrates his agility and mobility by doing admittedly-impressive one-handed clapping pushups on the studio floor. Snowman shockingly doesn’t kick his ass as Gaylord continues chirping for a bit before leaving with Bruno. Gaylord ends by saying that Snowman will endure the biggest meltdown since “the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Russia”.
Snowman tells Gaylord it’ll be a long time before he gets the belt, saying that he can hop around like Bugs Bunny all he wants, but titles are won in the ring.
Snowman vs. Gaylord for the belt is set for this Monday, and Snowman says it’ll be one of the most exciting matches of all time. Somehow, I doubt that.
The Lawler/Snowman program started to feel like a bit of an afterthought given Lawler and Dundee’s feud with Eddie Gilbert, John Tatum, and the Dirty White Boys, so this was the right time to wind it down. Plus, the fans were ecstatic with Snowman’s face turn.
It’s a shame that Snowman didn’t really give much of his perspective about the mending of fences with Lawler in his promo, other than saying he didn’t have any allegiance to Downtown Bruno.
Plus, The Snowman vs. Jeff Gaylord in a singles match for the Unified title?
NWA World Championship Wrestling
Stan Hansen vs. Tommy Rich - I don’t like Tommy’s chances given how badly Hansen’s been legit beating the shit out out of jobbers.
This is your long-overdue reminder that the NWA is brought to you by ROOS! Shoes for your feet, pockets for your stuff!
Rich sticks and moves at first, but Hansen gains control with some clubbing blows and a big elbow. Rich fights out of a chinlock and tries to take the fight to Hansen, but Stan overpowers him and continues to clobber away. Hansen gets in some boots, but Rich shows that FIGHTING SPIRIT and stays in the fight with blows of his own. A Hansen slam and elbow gets two, then he goes for a piledriver, but Rich backdrops out and punches away.
Hansen looks to again reassert dominance, but he misses a shoulderblock in the corner, allowing Rich to work the arm.
Rich foolishly goes for more brawling, so Stan comes back with a headbutt to put Wildfire on the mat. However, Rich gets a big knee to counter a back body drop, then gets some corner punches. However, Hansen reverses an Irish whip and clocks him with a back elbow.
Hansen stomps and knees his quarry, but Rich comes back with headbutts to the breadbasket. Rich again pounds away in the corner and grounds Hansen with a chinlock, but Stan fights out by grabbing the hair and stomping Rich into jelly. Hansen hits a back suplex for two, but Rich catches him with an inside cradle for his own two!
Rich again rallies with some fists and a back elbow of his own, then he hits a Thesz press for another near-fall! Dropkick gets another two, then Rich drops a series of fists for another close count. However, a blind charge hits boot, then Hansen unloads with punches.
Wildfire dodges an elbow drop and slugs away, so Hansen hurls him over the top rope. That results in a disqualification win for Rich and a severely pissed-off Hansen. He takes out his rage on referee Randy “Pee Wee” Anderson with a lariat!
Hansen heads out, stomps on Pee Wee, and blasts Rich with the cowbell before leaving.
***1/4 - This was a very good little TV match with another inspired babyface performance from Rich. He exceeded as the underdog fighting against the tobacco-chewing maelstrom that was Hansen, and I really enjoyed the story of Rich’s evolving gameplan after his initial failure at going toe-to-toe with The Lariat. Hansen was a great bully, and the DQ finish made sense given what was to come.
After a commercial break, Jim Ross interviews senior referee Nick Patrick. He announces that Stan Hansen has been suspended for 30 days and fined $5,000! Hansen himself comes out to protest the suspension and looks to slug Patrick, who threatens to double the fine and up the suspension to one year should he go through with it.
Hansen grabs the mic and goes absolutely berserk, ranting that NOBODY SUSPENDS HIM and swinging his bullrope with reckless abandon.
This was an effective angle as it got Hansen over as a madman while writing him off so he can go back to AJPW for the Summer Action Series tour.
THE TUGBOAT TRIBUNE
As always, the news comes courtesy of Dave Meltzer and the Wrestling Observer Newsletter.
An injured Tully Blanchard has turned to religion, going to his church to preach to teenagers about the perils of drug addiction.
Tully was a rarity in wrestling where his turnaround actually stuck, becoming a better man in the process.
Eddie Gilbert has REALLY pissed off the NWA brass.
Essentially, despite the recent slate of firings, Hot Stuff was being held to his contract.
However, he managed to convince Jim Herd to release him because he had a shoulder injury so debilitating that it would keep him off television for months.
Literal days later, he shows up in Memphis to reignite his feud with Jerry Lawler.
In a story that could only have happened in the early 1990s, the bar that Killer Brooks used to hold shows for his indie promotion was wrecked after a 2 Live Crew concert.
Despite this, Brooks still ran the show, but only drew 60 people due to the condition of the building.
He couldn’t pay any of the wrestlers, leaving him with a card full of trainees.
The Italian Stallion sure can eat spaghetti! I know that sounds like a horrible stereotype, but he actually won a spaghetti-eating contest in Virginia, setting a Guinness World Record in the process.
Stallion would be somewhat famous in the Apter mags for his spaghetti-eating exploits.
I’m curious to see how he handles Spa-Peggy and Meatballs.
NEXT TIME: A chaotic rematch of the Dallas mixed tag from July 4th, DiBiase continues his Cobb County adventures, and new tag champs are crowned in All Japan.
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